A Heavy Secret
by The Gray Ninja246
Summary: Okay, I cannot think of even a somewhat adequate summary for this one-shot. But in a nutshell, it's about one of the Ninja facing a problem that a lot of teens have/are facing today, right now, this very moment. Rated T because of depression and depression-related themes. No flames is all I ask. (Story is in fact better than summary)


**Okay, I'm in a bit of a slightly depressed mood right now, and that's like, the** ** _only_** **reason why I'm writing this. That, and because this is a one-shot that I could just somewhat vent into because today was especially bad for me. So, based on the above information, I suppose one could say that this particular one-shot was not made with the usual love that I usually write my things in.  
**

 **Warning: Contains some depressing themes, like cutting and attempted suicide.**

 **I do not own Ninjago**

* * *

They have no idea about the pain I'm going through. They think life is great and wonderful for me personally, but honestly, it's not. Every time I'm in the bathroom with the door shut and locked, all I can think about is my situation as I look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes no longer sparkle, but instead look dead and hollow. I've pretty much stopped eating (although when I feel like they're getting too suspicious, I eat the stuff on my plate, but each bite is hard to swallow), so my face has taken on a slightly gaunt look. I've lost weight, too, so I'm thinner than normal. But no one sees what lay hidden underneath my jacket sleeves, which are the scars that I've brought to the surface; another one will be added there tonight.

I've done this far too many times before now, so my hand doesn't shake or tremble as I slowly lower the edge of the knife to the inside of my forearm, where there are already several marks, some fresher than others. I don't even feel the blade cut through my skin; all I see is the steel of the knife become red as blood wells up from the newest wound. I feel so dead inside that this is the only way I know that I'm alive. Which I probably won't be for much longer.

I stay in the bathroom until the bleeding stops, and then with robotic movements I begin to wash the dried blood off and then roll the sleeve of my hoodie down. I rinse the knife blade off as well, drying it thoroughly and then sticking it into my sleeve so no one see it. And then, I turn the light off and leave the bathroom, my mind already made up on what will happen next.

* * *

It's been a week or so, three at the most, and my life has gotten worse. Tonight's the night that I'll do it; I'll finally end it all.

Stealthily, I sneak into the bathroom and grab the first thing of medication that I see. My hands are shaking slightly as I open the bottle and put the lid off to the side. Taking a deep breath, I know that once I take the first dosage, there will be no going back. But at this point, I'm so desperate for an end to all my pain that I don't hesitate any longer.

One after another after another...I keep going even after I lost count; besides, numbers won't mean anything to me once I'm gone, so who cares how many dosages I take?

When I take the last one, I turn the light off, lie on the ground, and curl up into a fetal position. At least this way I'll die by myself, in the dark, and no one is there to witness it...

* * *

A light, soft and welcoming, penetrates my eyelids. _Am I dead? Did it work?_ I then open my eyes, and I see a wall...and one that looks very similar to the one in the infirmary. With a jolt I realize that I'm still alive on the _Bounty_ , and it's then do I notice the shadows lined up behind me. Slowly, I close my eyes and prepare myself for whatever lecture they might give me.

"How long has this been going on?" Cole asked quietly, and I bite my lip, not wanting to answer.

"This isn't the time for stubbornness," Zane warned me, "Nya was scared, terrified, and crying whenever we found you lying passed out on the bathroom floor with the bottle nearly empty on the counter." At that I turn my head to look at them, and I let them see a small fraction of all the hurt, anguish, loneliness, and other elements contributed to this. I let them see a little bit of the side that I had always kept hidden, and I felt like I was flaying myself alive as I slowly opened up to them, even just that little bit.

Nya's bottom lip trembled as she looked at me. "You're the only blood-related family I have left, Kai. I was worried about you for a long time, and I waited for you to tell me something, but when you never did and then this happened, I felt like you didn't trust me as much as I thought you did."

"That's the way we all felt," Lloyd added, and I sat up, crossing my forearms across my stomach.

"I'm sorry, you guys," I managed in a faint, dry voice. "It's just...I've never..." I couldn't find the words to describe how I felt, and I was suddenly afraid. I nervously licked my lips in an attempt to moisten them somewhat, keeping my forearms close together.

"Kai, have you forgotten that we're a family, and that you can tell us what's going on?" Jay asked. "Yeah, I know it hurts to open up to someone, but honestly, whomever you chose would have felt honored that you trust them that much. Believe me," he added with a faint smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I know what you're going through. Maybe not to the extent that you personally are, but still, even a little can give someone understanding and a connection."

"Did _you_ ever tell anyone, Jay?" I couldn't help but spit, and his eyes flashed for a moment.

"I felt so embarrassed that I could barely talk through the shame-filled tears that were flowing down my cheeks as I told everything to Cole," he answered, his piercing blue gaze holding mine. Cole nodded solemnly in agreement to what Jay said, and I couldn't look him in the eye anymore, so I dropped my gaze back down to my lap.

"Kai, we're right here," Nya said as she sat down on the bed next to me and covering my hand with hers. I looked at her, and I realized how much I had made her worry, and I felt guilt crash down on top of me. My shoulders slumped as she continued.

"We're not far away, we're literately just a foot apart," she resumed, "and if you had actually succeeded, Kai, then you have no idea how much pain and grief it would have caused us. We would have then all blamed ourselves for not realizing what was going on earlier, and we all would have wondered if you didn't trust at least one of us enough to tell what exactly was going on."

Lloyd then pointed to my forearms. "You've been cutting as well, haven't you?" That was when I lost it. I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face as I started to fully open up to them, explaining in between sobs the reasons why I had started cutting and other stuff. I wasn't even a quarter through it whenever Nya wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace. I had to take a few moments to breathe, and whenever I continued, Jay was sitting down next to me, rubbing my back with understanding in his eyes.

By the time I was done telling everything, Nya was in tears and there were faint streaks on Lloyd's face from the few tears that he had silently shed. Zane, Cole, and Jay all hugged me, as well as Lloyd (Nya already was), and it wasn't until then did I realize that I would have left behind an excellent family if I had succeeded, and I closed my eyes as I felt for the first time in a long time the sensation of peace, understanding, and love.

* * *

 **Alright, now that I feel somewhat better (okay, that's a lie; I feel worse, but somewhat slightly better about the ending) after writing this, if this made any of you actually cry, I apologize for that.**

 **No flames, please, that's all I ask. Other than that, this is Gray, and I'm out.**


End file.
